Legacy of a matriarch
My maternal grandmother’s long-lasting influence
What is an influencer? Today, you may think of a person with millions of followers on their social media accounts. But according to Merriam-Webster, an influencer is simply “one who exerts influence : a person who inspires or guides the actions of others.”
One of the people who has had the greatest influence in my life was my maternal grandmother, Mary “Louise” Cox Hylton. I was blessed to have her in my life for my entire childhood, until she passed during my freshman year of college. Even though it’s been 20 years since she died, I still see and experience her influence nearly every day.
She was truly the glue of our family, bringing people together and creating lasting memories. When I was a kid, she made sure my childhood was full of experiences. We’d take trips all across Virginia during the summers, visiting places like Monticello, Mount Vernon, historic Williamsburg, the National Zoo, the Smithsonian, and so many more. She’d encourage my artistic interests, from music and theater to fashion and writing. She taught me how to sew, how to cook, and most importantly, how to love people through your actions.
My mom recalls her mother volunteering for PTA events, being a “room mother,” and volunteering as a score keeper at baseball games. She always put family first, acting as a caregiver when anyone was ill and serving as a hostess for family gatherings.
To get a different perspective on my grandmother’s influence, I asked other people who knew her to share how she influenced them.
“Louise was like a second mom to me, especially when I was younger. Jane and I didn’t go to kindergarten but Louise taught us our letters in her version of kindergarten every morning before we went to first grade. Even before Granny [Lessie] Cox died, Louise was the true matriarch of the family. She made sure the family always got together and she was always a generous and gracious host. I’m not sure that rubbed off on me but it certainly rubbed off on her daughter!” - Trish Heiman (niece)
“When she was getting married, I said, ‘I love Bill but I don’t want you to marry him, because he will take you away from me.’ I think I was four years old. I loved her so much. She was so good to me. She was like a grandmother to my kids. That’s how they felt about her. Through the years, she was always there for me. She would help me in any way she could. She always had good advice. I can’t say enough about what a wonderful person she was. She was a good influence on anyone who was around her.” - Sharon Cruise (sister)
“While visiting she gave me recipes (one of which I made recently) and said ‘Don’t worry about a neat and clean house. Your little ones need their Momma more than a house with everything in its place.’” - Wava Cox (sister-in-law)
“She never said an unkind word about anyone, ever. She was the best wife, daughter, mother, aunt, sister, grandmother, etc., that you could ask for. I got to travel to so many places because of Louise and Bill. I had never seen the beach. They took us (me, Harold and the kids) to Gettysburg, Hershey, Niagara Falls (which was part of a trip to see Geneva). I was just in awe of her. She was never flustered. She was so loving and kind. The best cook, ever! I loved her so much! She encouraged me to paint. I took one art class in high school and loved it. Louise and Bill saw some talent and wanted to nurture that talent, so they bought the paint and canvas to get me started. I painted for years after that. Still, occasionally. She was such a role model. She was even nice to me after my divorce from Harold. I would see her at Heather's baby shower and other occasions in Richmond. Always a class act. It was a privilege to know her.” - Janet Hudson (sister-in-law)
I always suspected that my grandmother’s kind, generous spirit extended beyond my personal experience, so it brought me so much joy to hear how she influenced other people in her life as well.
Discover your ancestor’s influence through their FAN club
One research technique for uncovering the lives of your ancestors is using the FAN Club method (a term coined by Elizabeth Shown Mills), which refers to their friends/family, associates, and neighbors. When you’re combing through records, be sure to keep an eye out for the folks who were in their social circles: siblings, cousins, neighbors, church members, or other community members. Following their lives can lead you back to your own ancestor.
Tips to interview your relative’s FAN club
If you know living people who were in your ancestor’s FAN club, be sure to interview them!
Here are some tips to get started:
Prepare your questions in advance
Choose open-ended questions instead of yes/no questions
Use the five Ws: Who, What, When, Where, Why… and How!
Agree on a time limit with your interviewee
Allow time for follow-up questions
Choose your interview method (video call, telephone, email, in-person)
Ask permission to record the interview
Transcribe the interview and save it with the audio/video recording in your files
Be sure to share the recording/transcript with your family and the interviewee. It will be treasured for generations to come!
This post was inspired by 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks.